There I was on my way to the train station from work after yet another day of labour. While walking back it struck me that perhaps I’m approaching this whole guiding life purpose from the wrong angle. My usual approach in understanding things is to break them down into more manageable components. This has worked fairly well… actually, maybe not but sometimes it works well. Perhaps I should first begin with a simple experiment that require very little effort and action, but could potentially bring some powerful results. I don’t know, but have decided to try.

I’ve been trying to figure out my purpose without actually thinking about the context in which I want to apply the purpose. I’m lacking the reference frame. Today I thought that I should attempt to imagine my ideal life. How would I like to wake up? How would I like to approach my day? What would be my ideal routines and habits?

Pixie dream (mehmeturgut/devitantART)

As a wildly crazy and imaginative guy this is not all that strange to me, I’ve often drifted off into the far-away-land of dreams. What I’ve never consciously done before however is to dream about a life that I actually want to live. I don’t mean the kind of life where you walk around in a robe surrounded with bunnies, but a more authentic and real life. A life not rooted, or derived, from already existing societal ideals such as a shallow career driven by something that really doesn’t matter. (Sure, maybe some actually strive for that life, good for them, but I don’t.) I mean a life where I feel my desires are fulfilled and where genuine and authentic happiness is part of my daily routine.

Even from a scientific perspective this makes sense, even though I couldn’t even begin to explain the chemicals involved or their composition, but still. The content of our mind is a result of our own conscious construction. We choose what goes in and stays there. We give our thoughts meaning. We decide how to approach any given situation. I have mentioned in a previous post about the power of association which I find applies particularly well in this scenario. Associations in my mind are mine to create, no one else can do that. (Even though they can obviously influence me!)

Actually, I’m not even sure why I brought up the science here, it makes no sense, disregard. I’ll try and figure that out later, assuming this helps me, how science plays a part here I mean. Why would it help me to imagine an ideal life? How could that be explained through science? Maybe it can’t?

This is how I imagine my ideal life

I’m in love with learning and understanding how things function. When I began writing this blog I kind of already knew that reading and learning was a big part of me. But it was only when I started writing things down that it occurred to me how incredibly sexy learning is. Intellectual stimuli is pretty darn high up on the list of awesome things. Hence, my ideal life would be filled with books and opportunities to learn about anything and everything. Sure, I have that now too, but on a much more limited scale. I mean to be literally paid to learn and share.

My hours would not be determined by anyone but me. I would be the sole determinator (awesome word!) in how my day would be spent. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I fall asleep should only be determined by choices I make alone, period.

I would want to share everything that I learn and hopefully inspire others to do the same. One of my most ambitious and long term goal would be to ‘advance’ the human race to a higher level of thinking. A time where communal knowledge generation is valued much more than individual knowledge hoarding. Sharing would be key in my society. Wisdom would be paramount.

The people around me would themselves be driven, engaging and full of ideas. A constant influx of new, fresh thinking should permeate my entire life. Together with my closet friends (I currently have none I would consider my close friend) we would create, innovate and drive society forward in a meaningful manner that benefits not just us, but everyone.

(Hey, this is my ideal life, so… I can do this!)

Then I would want to be able to leave, travel at any time when the mood strikes. To create, to express my emotions through music (I play the Piano, perhaps I should compose some music and upload?). To finally unwrap the drawing kit I got for x-mas a few years ago. To be able to do all those things I long for. A life without boundaries, only those I myself impose. To live like the earth. Constantly moving, constantly changing, evolving… living.

I do not wish to be trapped in this invisible cage. I want to break free from these chains. I need to.

At work the other day I was faced with what seemed like an insurmountable amount of tasks. Having read about brainstorming many times before, I had never quite been able to use it. I thought that this would be an excellent opportunity to just brainstorm down all the tasks, and their related subtasks. So, I tried. I began and allowed myself to roam freely with the pen on the paper. I managed to produce three A4 pages full with tasks and related activities. It felt kind of good. What had been previously kept in a normal text file on my computer in no particular order, was actually now in some sort of order with actionable items surrounding them.

Yeah, planning and organisation have never quite been part of my skill set, but it’s something that I’m trying to improve. This little exercise, forced upon me, got me thinking. So far I’ve not come any closer to my finding or creating my guiding purpose. But, what if I tried and brainstorm my life? It would be a simple exercise really. Put myself in the middle, and start by branching out some of, what I would consider, skills. I’ve not yet done this but I can imagine where it would lead.

Reading and learning, music and creativity, writing and sharing, programming and thinking, early mornings and exercise, yoga and meditation, kissing and hugging (my Johanna, oh and Pixie our dog, but perhaps only hugs there!), loving and caring. On it goes. I will do this tomorrow, I’m excited. This will be my task. To brainstorm my life, ideal or current, it doesn’t really matter. The purpose would be to just get it out there and letting it flow freely. It would seem rather logical that from that brainstorm session I could garner quite a lot of useful information about myself. Perhaps it could even be used for finding, or creating, a guiding purpose?

Today becomes yesterday and yesterday was once tomorrow. But I don’t care, I welcome each day as if it was any other day filled with opportunities to learn and experience.

Bonjour,

Last Monday I wrote about my progress for finding a guiding purpose in life. If you read it you might remember that I said I’m trying to establish a framework which will provide me with the scaffolding for understanding myself. I wanted to take a moment just to explain what it is that I’m talking about. Perhaps you’ll find it useful.

With any construction, be it a house, a web-page or some IKEA furniture you will be required to have a basic understanding of the tools at your disposal. You’ll have to understand the blueprint, which pieces fit together and which do not. A hammer may work in some instances, but we also require more delicate tools.

To make this a little bit less abstract. My mind is a collection of tools that I have at my disposal. I can choose to use my logical reasoning for solving problems or perhaps my analytical perspective. Sometimes I will have to be rational, other times I might be required to be irrational. Had this been an IKEA furniture piece I would have had a carefully written blueprint for how everything fits together, when I should do what and when to achieve my goal of putting that damned thing together.

The body

Life unfortunately does not come with a blueprint, no matter how much some people would try and have us believe the opposite. Buy this for happiness, and acquire this for a great relationship and on it goes. Even though life does not come with a manual, there are certain things I can do to deepen the understanding of myself. In our ever going quest for knowledge we have begun to understand the composition of the mind. I would even dare to say that we have a pretty darn good idea of the components of our bodies and minds.

Unfortunately we’ve got a long road ahead of us in understanding how all the pieces fit together and affect each other. This is something we definitely do not yet know. Even the most basic and fundamental things such as nutrition, we can’t say with absolute certainty how it affects us, how something is metabolised and absorbed by our bodies. I’m not saying that we’re clueless, but if we were certain I’m confident that we wouldn’t have health problems, diets, pills and so forth.

My framework. I should talk about my framework. Right, so. I’m not entirely sure yet what it means exactly, but I’ll try and describe it. What I’m trying to establish is what our basic core components are and how they fit together. The building blocks that we’ve been built with. It’s ambitious and perhaps futile, but I love it. The seeking, the trying and mystique surrounding it. A basic component is something that I consider, hmm, a unit. For example an emotion, joy. How does this affect our cognition? What parts should be combined in order to achieve the maximum and most efficient results? When should they be applied?

I’m hoping that through a deeper understanding of these components I can improve the chances of understanding myself. How I react to input, experiences and even how I will use the outcome of these events in the future. One might argue that I’m leaving nothing to the supernatural, or metaphysical. I guess that would be a correct assessment. But I choose to begin here, because it will be much easier to relate to. Metaphysics is much more theoretical and difficult to work with because you have only your thoughts and imagination as guidance. It quickly gets complicated and it’s why I’ve decided to focus a little bit more on the tangible world.

I do have every intention of eventually venturing into other dimensions and see what truths they might hold. Even in String Theory they leave room for more dimensions than those observable. To say that we would someone be excluded from them would be foolish. Astral projection, out-of-body experiences might all be related to this, but currently I need to stick with one thing and work my way from there.

I realise as I wrote this that it hasn’t become exactly clear what I mean with framework, but hopefully it will become more clear over time.

Again, thanks for taking your time to read and if you’ve got anything to share, by all means, do!

/ Christoffer

PS: If you happen to read my post yesterday (Tuesday). No need to worry, I’m fine. I might have some slight bi-polar disorder or something :-) I’m still confused, conflicted, but my anger has subsided. Frustration is still there, but not so much of myself, but the lacking of interest from fellow humans. People have succumbed to media, consumerism and no thoughts as to how it affects the future. That I find frustrating.

There are a lot of things I would like to say right now. I can’t quite figure out how to begin. So much to learn, so much to understand. It’s overwhelming. I also feel I’ve been trying to hard. Trying to hard to appeal to my readers, despite saying I was writing this for myself. In some sense I’ve disregarded my very purpose of this blog, all in an attempt to appear authoritative and knowledgeable. Fact is, I’m neither. I certainly want to be, but right now I’m not.

It’s like a sincerity struggle. I’m afraid of showing the world who I really am. A lost soul. Someone who really have no idea of where to go and what to do next. I find comfort in reading about science, because it gives me an excuse to not look at my core. Instead I abstract away details into components, as to avoid having to deal with the bigger picture.

A cell is harmless. But the combination of cells, my body, my mind. That’s scary to try and understand. It doesn’t really matter how it’s composed, I’ve still got all these conflicting feelings inside of me, that I can’t seem to let out. I do crave a deeper understanding of myself, and I can’t leave myself to the abstract terminology “self-helpers” tend to use. Truth and love this. Honesty and sincerity that. Oneness, wholeness, soul and blah blah blah… It’s too abstract. It doesn’t help me. People keep repeating it, each time with different meaning.

I’m angry. Frustrated and confused. Why is it so difficult? I want to cry. I’m crying. It’s liberating, I like my tears. I really am crying. Not loudly, but still. I want to be genuinely happy. Not through monetary gains, not through external verification of my being. I want to be happy when viewed through my own eyes, or when staring at myself through a mirror.

I want to write. I want to learn. I want to share with you the wonderful world. But I’m frustrated because I can’t seem to put the words in to coherent, honest sentences. I don’t want to be the person that claims to be something I’m not. Yet that’s what I’m already doing. I want to write as if it was me speaking to you, as a friend. Not as a teacher. How can I do this? How can I make neuroscience interesting for others? How can I make this my life. How can I have abundance in life, through this? Would anyone read it? Why would they bother?

I’m conflicted. I’m hungry… I need to eat. I’m lost for words. Please forgive me.

Hello fellow peeps of the Internets!

I continue to avoid writing the follow up brain article, but not because I don’t want to, but because I feel there is so much else to share. Anyway. I thought it was about time I wrote down a few words on my progress so far. While I’ve only been “officially” on this journey for a mere two weeks, I feel things have already changed. It’s funny really. While I have not yet found my guiding purpose, I’ve managed to boost other areas of my life somehow. Not quite sure where that came from. Regardless, the result is that I’ve introduced a few (in my opinion) significant changes to my life which I hope will only improve my situation.

1. Rising early
2. Exercise

The rising early part has so far exceeded my expectations. I decided to try it because people have been raving about early mornings for quite a while, I’m sure you’ve heard about them. I wasn’t sure whether this was because it was cool to be an early riser or whether it actually was good. I thought creativity at night was my way of life, but honestly, now I’d say it’s the opposite.

For two weeks I’ve been getting up around 5 am in the morning, immediately going for a 30-40 minute walk around our peninsula where we live. After coming back I do about 10 minutes of yoga to stretch and welcome the day. The combination of these two changes have significantly altered the course of my day. I no longer rise because I have work waiting, but because I’ve got fun things to do such as writing and learning.

These two, arguably, simple changes have had quite the impact on me, and this is in only two weeks. I’m more alert and have more mental clarity, even though my energy levels do dip every now and then. I believe this not to be related to the new routines, but rather me not having good enough discipline to actually eat before I get tired, but only when my stomach has turned in-side-out. That’s another thing on my “agenda” for change. To start preparing and planning my meals a bit better. Luckily I’ve got an attentive and caring girlfriend that really wants me to be the best and she has a keen sense of when I should eat. Good that someone does!

Future and the Time to Come

I’ve done quite a bit of reading these past two weeks, more than I ever have done before in such a short amount of time. One might think I’ve read about personal development and other self-help resources, but I’ve gone completely geeky here. I’m trying to understand the composition of our brain, cognitive abilities etcetera. I felt it would be the intelligent thing to do. I guess my intention with that is to try and establish some sort of framework which I can use to develop my own purposes and goals at the same time as I satisfy my logical and analytical self which needs “proof” for everything.

Currently I’m doing research on primary emotions, and how they relate to our cognitive systems. I’m actually planning on writing a longer article about what I call, “Primal Abilities – A Framework for Personal Development”. This will, I hope, become my foundation from where I launch into a deeper understanding of myself. In order to not waste time analysing things that I cannot change I need to learn what parts of me are genetically coded. Also understanding the function of the mind will make it easier to avoid trapping myself into self doubt thinking there is something that I can’t change.

I know much of this knowledge already exists out there on teh Interwebz, but the problem is not finding it, it’s correlating it and intelligently extracting meaning and what is relevant to what I’m trying to achieve. I admire the mission of Google, but now if only someone could create a service to make all this available information useful. How about a contextual based search engine? Feed it some text, and have it provide you with pages that have the same type of content. I.e. it can make deductions from a particular set of information and provide new information that is similar to what you provided in the first place. That would be neat.

Oh, I almost forgot. While on my way to work the other day I realised that I’m very much a philosopher, a scientific philosopher. I would love to read, write and just spend all my waken hours devouring knowledge and attempt to provide my take on it all. That would be fantastic. I should also admit that I do wish that writing this blog could hopefully someday provide me with some sort of platform to launch me into this “ideal” path of life. But one thing at a time. Tomorrow is a new day, waiting to happen and bring me new challenges and wisdom. Wonder what I will learn tomorrow. It’s exciting.

/ Christoffer