5 minutes – All that is required

It has not been many weeks since I wrote a post about friendship. Since then I’ve not been able to stop thinking about what friendship really is. When does someone become your friend? Have I been communicating an all to serious message about what friendship means to me? Why have I done that? I’m an extremely easy-going person, yet I put high demands on a friendship?

A part of me feel as if I’ve been wasting time. Wasting time not doing “important” things. I will not elaborate further or attempt to define “important” because your definition will be different from mine. However, I feel that my previous friendships have been something that I no longer desire. I’m not saying, not at all, that previous friendships have been pointless, that would be very foolish indeed. All that I’m saying is that they are different and do not represent what I think I want now.

A couple of weeks ago I spent two days in a conference with my colleagues from work, it was great fun. Some of us stayed up until late and spoke about everything between heaven and earth. I revealed my ideal friendship. They were somewhat taken aback by my “demands”. It got me thinking, am I putting unreasonable demands on people in order for me to call them my friends? Very likely.

Since I’ve never really known who I am, or what I want to become, I’ve put on a mask, pretending to be something I’m really not. If I’m being completely authentic and genuine when meeting people it should be fairly obvious who is compatible with me and who is not. I’ve noticed that whenever I meet new people I don’t act like myself. I become stiff, more rigid and held back. On the surface I might seem like a confident person, but on the inside I’m very insecure and not confident at all. I generally never quite allow myself to be who I am in fear of not being liked. Seriously Christoffer, what are you doing? Why would I want to be friends with those who will not accept me for who I am, now, today? Surely I shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone and only gradually introduce myself? What a waste of time!

Could I consider a person I meet on the street my friend? Why the hell not? No one can tell me it doesn’t count and that the person with whom I’ve only spent 5 minutes is not my friend. Maybe those 5 minutes was all that I need, we became friends. Why should 5 years be considered more valuable than those 5 minutes? Perhaps those 5 minutes changed my life, yet the 5 years have been nothing but detrimental and useless? It’s so easy to consider time to be a definition for the amount of generated good. For some things this might be applicable and time might be a good reference of quality, but not always.

If I decide to spend an hour painting, for that hour I’m an artist. Next I might be a poet, or a musician. The same goes for friendships, right? For those 5 minutes that we spend speaking completely authentically to each other, we are friends. We may never see each other again, but why should that matter? 5 minutes, 5 hours or 5 years, it really shouldn’t matter. What matters is the authenticity of those minutes, hours or years. Every minute spent living non authentically is a minute I deprive my fellow human beings of my greatest gifts; compassion, understanding and authenticity.

For each day I will attempt to spend at least 5 minutes of my undivided attention to the things that truly matters. That is the greatest gift I can give.