I have intentionally been avoiding “the news” for a good few years now. In some regards it has been one of my best decisions ever, but at the same time it has also disconnected me from reality. I made the decision because I felt “the news” only ever told bad and horrible stories. Nothing positive at all, zilch, nada. Why would I want to expose myself to that? Each and every day of the year, I’m presented with the same thing over and over again. War here, people die there, and the world is in a generally doom-gloom state. No thanks, that I can do without.

Apparently it works though, people watch it, and continue to watch it. But why? Why does fear and “terror” sell so darn well? What is it about us humans with destruction and despair? Are we really that sad of a race, that all we can think of is how crap everything is? Why couldn’t we look at all the positive things happening around us? Why the focus on all the rut?

I can’t for the life of me understand why we do this. On a more positive note I should be happy this use of fear has not yet gotten hold of the advertising industry, although it seems to be slowly getting there too. Can you imagine? The tube, or the buses, full of articles about terrorism and other sort of propaganda. The entertainment industry has already caught on, especially western society produced entertainment. Think about the majority of computer games, the most popular genre is about killing, destruction, money and general social deviance. Hollywood certainly is not making it any better through their zealously use of their own status as a super power. I’m sure you’ve noticed, but when was the last time you saw a film where the US actually failed, lost or was overpowered? Exactly, didn’t think so.

Hope (by jantik/flickr)

This is by no stretch a reflection of US citizens, not at all, this is a reflection of the western society. We’re so incredibly self-absorbed that we think nothing can become us. It is this attitude of self-absorption that will lead to our, currently, inevitable self-destruction. I don’t mean that as in obliterate, or disappear, but as a knowledge generating and wisdom collecting society.

Just take the term “developing country”. I would want my country to be a “developing” country, much rather than a defined and established country, such as the western countries because clearly we’ve already reached our most prominent position, nothing else to do, right? Done for the day? Or why not find an excuse to destroy the lives of another country why don’t we?

Riiiight. All that we thinkers can do is watch the world around us speed by as more and more jobs are “off-shored”, out-sourced and moved to countries which are much more productive for a tenth of the cost. It’s no surprise really. When you can get highly educated, motivated and determined workforce, why wouldn’t you get it? Okay, I’m beginning to rant here but the point I’m trying to make is that we have to expand our perspective, see the bigger picture. We have to let go of the ego-centric view that portraits our own lives as more meaningful than others.

I’m saying that this would be the ideal situation. For now I would actually argue that my life is more important than others, and I’m not shy of admitting that. Mindless drones that keep on doing exactly what society tells them to, I couldn’t care less. But those that have broken free from their shackles of the mental prison that society is, and can see it for what it is, those I do care for. I do believe that there is an elite amongst us, those that will carry society forward in a meaningful and purposeful way. Maybe the drones do have a purpose, but I can’t really see it.

Ops, got a little bit carried away there, guess I needed to get that said, not judging, just typing. The news. Today I spent a few moments devouring the local news for Sweden and I was met only with problems and issues, no solutions. This is so typical and reflects the general consensus that producing solutions are a lot harder than stating facts and making clear the problems. But seriously, is it really that difficult to look for the good news?

Should I be grateful for having to plough through 15 minutes of crap and then be happy I got 1 minute of positive news? Like the story about the little girl that found her lost teddy? Oh, great, thanks, that really made my day… NOT. But it’s what they always do, end with that little heart warming story to get us all to sigh in relief that the world really isn’t that dark and scary after all, after all she did get her teddy back. Then back to the quarry silently reflecting on the life that could be, if we only dared to do something about it. Terror, murder, dying, car crashes, chaos. No, be gone you horrible thoughts of freedom, I better let words of my government dictate my life as they seem to know better than myself what is good for me. I surrender my life, for the “safety” you bring, thank you government.

I’m searching for the words to express my anger with this apathy that seem to be permeating most people. How can we change? Will we change?

Mindless drones are nothing but a reflection of our society. It is our failure to infuse each other with hope, courage and compassion to ensure resonance and harmony amongst all living beings. We need to understand that we’re all connected through the very fabric of nature. Each action, each emotion emanating from ourselves will give rise to ripples of consequences. Being aware, appreciating the ripples of consequences will lead to a greater understanding of ourselves and those around us.

I watched the news today. What’s wrong with us?

There I was on my way to the train station from work after yet another day of labour. While walking back it struck me that perhaps I’m approaching this whole guiding life purpose from the wrong angle. My usual approach in understanding things is to break them down into more manageable components. This has worked fairly well… actually, maybe not but sometimes it works well. Perhaps I should first begin with a simple experiment that require very little effort and action, but could potentially bring some powerful results. I don’t know, but have decided to try.

I’ve been trying to figure out my purpose without actually thinking about the context in which I want to apply the purpose. I’m lacking the reference frame. Today I thought that I should attempt to imagine my ideal life. How would I like to wake up? How would I like to approach my day? What would be my ideal routines and habits?

Pixie dream (mehmeturgut/devitantART)

As a wildly crazy and imaginative guy this is not all that strange to me, I’ve often drifted off into the far-away-land of dreams. What I’ve never consciously done before however is to dream about a life that I actually want to live. I don’t mean the kind of life where you walk around in a robe surrounded with bunnies, but a more authentic and real life. A life not rooted, or derived, from already existing societal ideals such as a shallow career driven by something that really doesn’t matter. (Sure, maybe some actually strive for that life, good for them, but I don’t.) I mean a life where I feel my desires are fulfilled and where genuine and authentic happiness is part of my daily routine.

Even from a scientific perspective this makes sense, even though I couldn’t even begin to explain the chemicals involved or their composition, but still. The content of our mind is a result of our own conscious construction. We choose what goes in and stays there. We give our thoughts meaning. We decide how to approach any given situation. I have mentioned in a previous post about the power of association which I find applies particularly well in this scenario. Associations in my mind are mine to create, no one else can do that. (Even though they can obviously influence me!)

Actually, I’m not even sure why I brought up the science here, it makes no sense, disregard. I’ll try and figure that out later, assuming this helps me, how science plays a part here I mean. Why would it help me to imagine an ideal life? How could that be explained through science? Maybe it can’t?

This is how I imagine my ideal life

I’m in love with learning and understanding how things function. When I began writing this blog I kind of already knew that reading and learning was a big part of me. But it was only when I started writing things down that it occurred to me how incredibly sexy learning is. Intellectual stimuli is pretty darn high up on the list of awesome things. Hence, my ideal life would be filled with books and opportunities to learn about anything and everything. Sure, I have that now too, but on a much more limited scale. I mean to be literally paid to learn and share.

My hours would not be determined by anyone but me. I would be the sole determinator (awesome word!) in how my day would be spent. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I fall asleep should only be determined by choices I make alone, period.

I would want to share everything that I learn and hopefully inspire others to do the same. One of my most ambitious and long term goal would be to ‘advance’ the human race to a higher level of thinking. A time where communal knowledge generation is valued much more than individual knowledge hoarding. Sharing would be key in my society. Wisdom would be paramount.

The people around me would themselves be driven, engaging and full of ideas. A constant influx of new, fresh thinking should permeate my entire life. Together with my closet friends (I currently have none I would consider my close friend) we would create, innovate and drive society forward in a meaningful manner that benefits not just us, but everyone.

(Hey, this is my ideal life, so… I can do this!)

Then I would want to be able to leave, travel at any time when the mood strikes. To create, to express my emotions through music (I play the Piano, perhaps I should compose some music and upload?). To finally unwrap the drawing kit I got for x-mas a few years ago. To be able to do all those things I long for. A life without boundaries, only those I myself impose. To live like the earth. Constantly moving, constantly changing, evolving… living.

I do not wish to be trapped in this invisible cage. I want to break free from these chains. I need to.

At work the other day I was faced with what seemed like an insurmountable amount of tasks. Having read about brainstorming many times before, I had never quite been able to use it. I thought that this would be an excellent opportunity to just brainstorm down all the tasks, and their related subtasks. So, I tried. I began and allowed myself to roam freely with the pen on the paper. I managed to produce three A4 pages full with tasks and related activities. It felt kind of good. What had been previously kept in a normal text file on my computer in no particular order, was actually now in some sort of order with actionable items surrounding them.

Yeah, planning and organisation have never quite been part of my skill set, but it’s something that I’m trying to improve. This little exercise, forced upon me, got me thinking. So far I’ve not come any closer to my finding or creating my guiding purpose. But, what if I tried and brainstorm my life? It would be a simple exercise really. Put myself in the middle, and start by branching out some of, what I would consider, skills. I’ve not yet done this but I can imagine where it would lead.

Reading and learning, music and creativity, writing and sharing, programming and thinking, early mornings and exercise, yoga and meditation, kissing and hugging (my Johanna, oh and Pixie our dog, but perhaps only hugs there!), loving and caring. On it goes. I will do this tomorrow, I’m excited. This will be my task. To brainstorm my life, ideal or current, it doesn’t really matter. The purpose would be to just get it out there and letting it flow freely. It would seem rather logical that from that brainstorm session I could garner quite a lot of useful information about myself. Perhaps it could even be used for finding, or creating, a guiding purpose?

Today becomes yesterday and yesterday was once tomorrow. But I don’t care, I welcome each day as if it was any other day filled with opportunities to learn and experience.

When I decided to embark upon this journey I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from making it public. Even though I began this search many years ago, to a certain extent, I didn’t quite expect the reactions I’ve already gotten. Certainly I appreciate that people want the best for me, sure. But why would people be afraid of someone wanting to attain a deeper and more fundamental understanding of oneself? Maybe I’m not “getting” what people are trying to tell me.

But I must ask, why wouldn’t I want to find a guiding purpose? What’s the difference between what I’m doing and an established religion? Would I get the same reactions had I converted to an existing faith? Doubt it. Straying from, or questioning, the known and accepted is almost always taboo it seems. I can understand that big corporations would want us to conform and fall in line, because they certainly do not benefit from having their products usefulness questioned. But why aren’t more of my fellow humans asking if there is a better way to live life?

All I’m trying to do is find a way of life which can give myself and as many other the most meaning.

Working towards a purpose…

Seeking purpose (by flickr/zedzap)

To live graciously, consciously and to extend love and compassion towards all living beings. This is what I’m talking about, a guiding purpose. Living by this would grant meaning to my actions as long as they resonate with this purpose. Why would anyone be afraid of finding something this, or not want others to find it? Granted, in our current western society we value so many strange things such as physical appearance and money. The social conditioning we are exposed to each day is certainly not a weak force, but we also have the power to say, no thanks.

Perhaps what we need is a global adoption of a new value system, one which does not rely on scarcity and goods. Certainly a noble goal, but what is required for something like this? A start would be to ask more questions, and share with each other our conclusions. The Internet has certainly helped to propel the speed at which we can exchange ideas to unimaginable levels. As humans we now have an opportunity to support, help and nurture each other like never before.

A society built upon those values, how wonderfully beautiful.

… and breaking free

Depending on to what extent one has been exposed to societal conditioning the effort required to break free may be greater for some. That doesn’t mean that it’s too late to give up. I do realize that for some people it might be extremely hard to allow the mind to break free from the mental prison they’re in. However, if a person can summon the strength to even just imagine a better life, there is potential. A person that can’t even muster, or is unwilling, to do so is doomed to remain imprisoned.

Having only the will to break free is not enough, one will need to put that intention into action. This may require one to leave friends and family behind, an abusive husband or wife, or an uninspiring job. It may require significant changes to established habits and disregard of previous experiences. The key I believe, if possible, is to make very small adjustments to ones life instead of going all out. The required determination and self-discipline to completely turn around a bad habit is substantial. Attempting to change everything at once is likely doomed to fail. I for one have a problem with committing to big changes, but have found that doing it incrementally work much better.

The result?

Imagine if everyone sought out, or created, their own guiding purpose. Living in harmony with neighbours, sharing wisdom and knowledge without thought of selfishness. Now there is a world I wouldn’t mind living in.

Before attempting to figure out whether or not there is a pre-determined reason for my existence here on earth I will first need to define the words purpose and meaning. Primarily I’m seeking to establish a context in which these words can exist and how they relate to my view of the world. Perhaps purpose is not something we’re born with but rather choose ourselves? I believe that to be true; that we choose our own purposes in life. There might be some genetic predisposition towards a particular “thing”, but nothing prevents us from pursuing something completely different.

I for one would have no clue what my genetic code might be about. It would seem as if I don’t have one particular area in which I excel, but instead many in which … I’m fairly good, but not exceptional. However, back to the topic at hand.

Purpose…

For a long time I’ve assumed that purpose means doing a particular thing for the rest of my life. “Follow your passion” I’m often told but I don’t think passion should be equated with purpose, it’s just not the same thing. Passions come and go, and change as time progresses. Purpose might too, but not to the same extent. It’s very unlikely that I will ever want to switch from living a happy life to a miserable life. A passion however may change every few years as I discover something new that I enjoy, or am more passionate about.

Context (by flickr/noahg)

The idea of a purpose being a particular job, or activity is something I’ve lately come to question. It’s not timeless. With timeless I mean that a purpose shouldn’t be bound to time and it should always hold true. Assume for a second that my purpose is to always remain open-minded. This would accurately describe a trait I would like to have and a way to live my life. Open-minded to me means to not judge something for face-value, or to openly embrace challenges of life. It’s not very probable that time will change such a purpose.

(As a side note I’m far being completely open-minded, but in certain areas I’ve managed to really embrace the unknown and question the established.)

Right now I don’t have a guiding purpose in life and it’s very energy draining. It is possible that not having a purpose is the reason of why I subscribe to a fairly regular life-style of having a normal job and never truly attempting to create personal freedom. It’s safe, known and generally free from obstacles. Perhaps I should quickly explain the normal job choice of wording. With a normal job I refer to the standard employer employee relationship type of job. You have a defined role and carry out actions related to that role, you get paid and that’s that. I must also say that I don’t necessarily think all jobs are bad, even if it’s of the “vanilla”-flavour. I so happen to have a pretty decent job myself where I really enjoy working with my colleagues and the freedom the company provide me. Still I have this nagging feeling of not making a difference, something of real humanitarian value.

So, I think that for now I’m going to settle for defining purpose to be something that will give my actions meaning and worth. Everything I do, every decision I make should feel as if it aligns with my core and if not I better find an alternate route to take.

… and meaning…

Meaning has an inverse relationship to purpose. Let me explain. Meaning is what I should derive from my purpose and enable me to relate to reality and the environment around me. Only I can truly give life meaning. Something perceived as having meaning is something I care about, or can relate to. Let’s say I that my guiding purpose is to always strive for happiness. Perhaps I discover that I really enjoy painting, it makes me very happy. The painting becomes a passion which in turn allows me to derive meaning from my purpose. (I realize that this might not be the most fantastic analogy, but I hope you get the point!)

Without a guiding purpose life can’t have meaning. Meaning is something that makes my purpose real and tangible, it’s a sort of realisation of my purpose. Meaning should help guiding me in what actions are purposeful and aligned with my beliefs.

… putting it into context…

Purpose and meaning will only be realized when actioned upon and put in a context. The context will grow through my actions and the decisions I make. Imagine a tree, where the stem is my purpose. The history of my experiences, actions and decisions, will form the branches. Each branch will lead on to yet smaller branches and leaves which may represent associated feelings, emotions and acquired knowledge and wisdom. This is the context of which I speak about. Without taking action upon my purpose nothing will change or grow.

Having tried to define what purpose and meaning really means to me I can attempt to find a purpose that will guide me through my exploration of my inner self and hopefully lead to a greater understanding of who I am.

Thanks for reading and with love,
Christoffer